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Excerpts from (The Joe)’s Autobiography [Aug. 20th, 2007|04:29 pm]
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[Current Mood |fun all summer long]

Here are some quotes from Piemerica's next book, the maybe I'll see you in a few years, (The Joe)'s Autobiography:

The day I was born he told me that aging is genetic. I didn't believe him then but the next day came and I realized he was right.

(The Joe) was deeply embarrassed about just now noticing that people could talk, so embarrassed that he became a hemit. (The Joe) refused to be called a hermit due to his membership in the men only society Head and Limbs in which he had to resign from in order to be a hemit.

(The Joe), armed with a hammer was posing for a box when his right eye caught Legwit stealing his left eye.

(The Joe) swore off gambling the next day after he got injured in a jar wreck and his insurance company, Insure-Ants, wouldn't even pay him a queen's egg.

Psst. Ford, cars are a joke, in 13 years no one will even remember what a car was.

(The Joe) kept this a secret until 1617. During those 2 years (The Joe) invented the "spout press" or as we call it the "printing press." When he did introduce this book drinking all the doctors declared it better than water (back then doctors were idiots).

Stools always spent their time in a camera flour.

Strangely enough he mutated into The Horrible Blue Penguinator. It began destroying a map. No one could stop it because it kept going to gas stations & rest stops to steal more maps (although they were free).

The bell finally rung and the fight began. First a right hand then a left, then a center, a north, a south, a southwest! There were so many fists flying that you'd think that both had lived next to the newly made secret nuclear power plant.

As the first restaurant ever burnt down one man complained, "Hey I ordered this steak medium rare not well done!"

But medical genius Omaha Nebraska was still in jail for uncomprehendible malpractice. Quoted here "Nurse I'm gonna need a buzzer, a UPC seal, some terminology, & a brain of a cactus."

No one had ever toasted sliced bread before. They called it the best thing since sliced bread but then it got really complicated because you can't have one without the other.

(The Joe) replied stovetoply "I tine ever knomes."

Grins- this, one of the most prevalently mentioned plagues, destroyed brain cells of the people & caused them to write bloody senseless chapters in books about a fake past, where in which the only legitimate thing that thoroughly was mentioned in an enormous run on sentence was the destructive plague in which caused the mind numbingly senseless chapter of a book that wastes everyone's time, intelligence, & ability to normally conversate with other living beings whether it being human, animal, plant, or otherwise.

(The Joe) replied, "Look knife this relationship just isn't cutting it for me." The knife, furious, pulled out a knife and claimed it was their child. (The Joe) looked at the baby knife and accused that it was born of the Black Smith based on the appearance of its black handle. (The Joe)'s knife date claimed that (The Joe) wasn't half the man Black Smith was. (The Joe) then pointed out his weight problem which shut her up.

For many full chapter excerpts go to this link