O how the wind blows in the open parking lot. When I say "pa-rk-ing l-o-t' I don't mean soup. Although you probably knew that. - http://piemerica.org/pfp/stories/muffin.html

Already got the word I made up two days ago for my "How well do you know me?" quiz onto Urban Dictionary. Now give it the ole thumbsuparooney please

• We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you  -Colossians 1:3
  • Be thankful for who we pray for
• asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  -Colossians 1:9
  • A prayer to pray
  • Why to pray it
    • And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  -Colossians 1:10-14
• For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.  -Colossians 1:16
  • All things were created for God
• he is before all things, and by him all things consist.  -Colossians 1:17
• Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.  -Colossians 1:24
  • Christ's body is the church
• We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.  -Colossians 1:28
  • This is discipleship & fulfilling the great commission
• My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ  -Colossians 2:2
  • A prayer to pray
• Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  -Colossians 2:3
  • God has all the treasures of wisdom & knowledge
• So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.  -Colossians 2:6-7
  • Continue to live in him
• See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.  -Colossians 2:8
• When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.  -Colossians 2:13-15
  • Christ has transferred all the power of law & men to Himself with the cross.
• Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions.  -Colossians 2:18
  • Do not worship angels
• For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.  -Colossians 3:3-4
  • Christ is our life!
• Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  -Colossians 3:13
  • Forgive
• And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  -Colossians 3:14
  • Put on love
• Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  -Colossians 3:15
• Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  -Colossians 3:16
  • Discipleship/fellowship
• Do all for God with thanksgiving
  • Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  -Colossians 3:17
  • Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  -Colossians 3:23-24
• Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.  -Colossians 4:2-4
  • Pray for evangelists
• Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.  -Colossians 4:5-6
  • How to talk to the lost
• It's not about do but about who.

• And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.  -Philippians 1:9-11
  • A prayer to pray
• Christian Relationships
  • If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.   -Philippians 2:1-4
    • in humility consider others better than yourselves
• Famous Verse:
  • continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling   -Philippians 2:12
• It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.  -Philippians 2:13
  • God is responsible for all of our good down to our actions & our very will.
• But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.   -Philippians 2:22
  • Son - Father - Discipleship
• I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ  -Philippians 3:7-9 NLT
• Famous Verse:
  • Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  -Philippians 4:4
• Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  -Philippians 4:5
  • God is near
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7
• Things to dwell on:
  • Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  -Philippians 4:8
• Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.  -Philippians 4:9
  • Put knowledge into practice
  • Discipleship
• I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.   -Philippians 4:11-13
  • Contentment comes from God's strength
• Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account.  -Philippians 4:17
  • An unselfish attitude about receiving gifts.
• And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:19

• We who are Jews by birth and not 'Gentile sinners' know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified.  -Galatians 2:15-16
  • We are justified by faith in Christ not by obeying the law
  • Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."  -Galatians 3:11
• For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"  -Galatians 2:19-21
• Famous Verse:
  • I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  -Galatians 2:20
• Consider Abraham: "He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham. The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed through you." So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.  -Galatians 3:6-9
  • In the Old Testament people were saved by faith not by law
• So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith.  -Galatians 3:24
  • The law was made to lead to faith in Christ
• The purpose of Christmas
  • But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.  -Galatians 4:4-5
• But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?  -Galatians 4:9
• Now you, brothers, like Isaac, are children of promise.  -Galatians 4:28
  • We are Children of Promise
• Christian Relationships
  • Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  -Galatians 6:1-2
  • Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  -Galatians 6:10
• But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden.  -Galatians 6:4-5
• May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.  -Galatians 6:14

[	Tags	|	(The Joe)’s Autobiography, (the joe), book, saturday, story	]
[	Current Mood	|	angry	]

(The Joe)'s Autobiography:
Homes & Other Places to Live- The Late 1980s

One day (The Joe) was eating at his lunch table and wouldn't you know it, he dropped his sandwich and it tumbled under the table. (The Joe), never one to break tradition, was bent on continuing his 194 day streak of eating 49 sandwiches everyday for lunch. He was so bent he bent down to get the last sandwich and ate it right there under the table, on the floor, in the kitchen, in his house, in the city, in the nation, in the continent, in the hemisphere, in the world, in the solar system, in the galaxy, in the universe, in the multiverse.

As (The Joe) viciously ate the sandwich he realized that if he didn't have a house to live in that he'd be satisfied living under his lunch table. (The Joe) sprung into action, hit is head on the table, passed out, and then work up later and escaped from the overturned table's clutches. (The Joe) began to write up a business plan in mustard one lettered sandwich at a time until finally, three weeks later, (The Joe) put his plan into action by literally digesting his congealed thoughts.

"(The Joe) had decided to start selling tables to the homeless? That can't be right, someone get me my glasses. … By gum, that's exactly what it says dear" said you.

"Well honey maybe they meant buying tables from the homeless" said your wife.

"No, no lookey here it goes on.." replied you.

(The Joe) had decided to start selling tables to the homeless as house shelters with a curtain attached to the side.

"Well honey that doesn't seem like such a bad idea.." said your wife.

"You're right get my coat and pile the kids into the Winnebago. I'll grab our tables. We're going to New York City!" said you.

"Hooray! New York City!" yelled your kids celebratoriously.

Your grandpa interjected, "Don't you think you should finish the chapter before you go doing this?"

"Well ok, gather round family," said you.

(The Joe) took his plans to the streets with his very own table attempting to sell it to any beggar he could find. (The Joe) soon discovered that he should have washed his table off and gone to the hospital to treat his head wound before trying to propagate his idea to the homeless.

"Wow dad (The Joe) sure is stupid" said your son.

"Now son, he does have a massive head wound so don't be judgmental too soon" said you.

"Sure thing dad!" your son obediently replied.

(The Joe) didn't have a ticket to the hospital so he asked for a ride from a bear. The bear didn't appreciate (The Joe) riding on his back and calmly (for a bear) tossed (The Joe) into a dumpster.

After eating what he could find in the dumpster (The Joe) was back on his feet and raring to go, to the hospital that is. (The Joe) hit the ocean and surfed his way to an offshore hospital rig. He was bandaged up, told to eat less, and kept for six months by the government to perform experiments on. He was then imprisoned in an underground bunker surrounded by dirt for eight more weeks until his superpowers faded away.

(The Joe) woke up at his home forgetting everything, but a rumble in his tumble told him letter per letter about his homeless shelter plan. (The Joe) then took to the streets and soon sold his first table for 1 old hat and three teeth. (The Joe) was ecstatic about the profit and went down to Freddy's Fried Food Greasy Spoon to quickly cash in his profit on some heart altering byproducts. (The Joe) was told by the health dept. that he could not buy food with teeth and (The Joe) sadly strode away like a river.

"Daddy I need to go to the PP Pot" said your daughter.

"Ok honey I'll stop reading and wait for you" said you.

"Dad how can (The Joe) eat so much and get hurt so much and not die?" said your son.

"Well you see son it's because (The Joe) is a fictional character just like me or your mother" you replied.

"But it says that this is his autobiographia. Wait you and mommy aren't real!?" stressed your son.

"Sorry my dear boy, I still get fictional and non-fictional confused" you apologized.

"Honey that still doesn't explain why (The Joe) is so fat, stupid, and immortal.." started your wife.

"What am I a doctor?" finished you.

"Yeah dad you are" invoked your son.

"He's right honey just because you threw your pager in the fireplace doesn't mean you're not a doctor. In fact didn't you get your start an off shore hospital rig?" plodded your wife.

"I don't remember any (The Joe) coming around with a head wound back then, I must have just missed him. I don't know anything about it ok. No more than I've read in the book" you replied nervously.

Your wife questioned "Then why are we in his book?"

"Yeah what's the deal dad?" your son inferred.

"You kids, ha ha, you sure grow up fast.. Look your sister is back.. Let's keep on reading shall we?" you convexed.

(The Joe) wasn't licked yet and not just because of his fear of dogs. No, (The Joe) sold all of his possessions, excluding his tables and curtains, then gave all of his money to the homeless. He then set out on foot with 13 tables on his back dressed in 14 curtains and pushfully quoted his sales pitch to any homeless person he could find. And it went a little som'n like dis,.. hit it!

"Are you a Homeless Hannah or a Roofless Rufus? If you are I can't put a roof or roof like substance over your head for the low low price of just $14. Yes you too can have a roost from the rain, shelter from the storm, a dugout to keep the bugs out. So what do ya say, can I see you or more importantly, can you see you under a brand new table house, complete with curtains, today?"

The homeless gang (The Joe) had spoken to jumped at the chance to each get a table house. They couldn't wait to get their hands on them. They were so impatient that they jumped on (The Joe)'s back and grabbed table houses for everyone with their very own hands.

(The Joe) with only one curtain to his name was now homeless himself. (The Joe) was so destitute that he tried to sell himself as rentable sun block to beachgoers and proprietors with open windows. He made a few pence here and there but he still couldn't afford to buy a table of his own.

"If only someone had come up with the same idea as I, then I would be able to buy shelter" (The Joe) thought.

"Hold on, how can we hear his thoughts?" asked your son.

"We can't," replied you "we're reading them. Ok, you can only hear his thoughts because I read them aloud."

(The Joe) went through the usual 5 Stages of Homelessness:

1. Devastation- "Oh woe is I, everything is gone, gone.. My little house, my little car, my little tree, my little table.. Ah who am I kidding? None of them were little I was just abnormally large for no apparent reason!" sobs endlessly.

2. Vain Hope- "I know I put some money away somewhere.. Let's see when I was a kid I buried $37.18 in a time capsule just incase I'd become homeless one day. Hmm.. Oh no! I dug it up the next day for pizza money!"

3. Bargaining- "Hey pal I'll shine your shoes for a nickel, rake your lawn for a dime, do your fractions homework for a quarter, eat something disgusting for a television series deal.."

4. Hunger- "Would you stop growling at me stomach! I'm hungry too! Ok!?!"

5. Insanity- "I used wind & from the eight I learned of 12 sixes that helped me down the mountain. Blaharharharahh ha!"

Unfortunately for (The Joe) there are no cheat codes in real life but he made it through all five stages and was awarded the high score on the Hunger and Insanity stages. (The Joe) toured the country with his mad gaming skills and even guest starred in a movie with Fred Savage, the holiday classic, The Gizzard where he played himself, a homeless man, in a touching scene where Savage's character, Korey, gives (The Joe) a never released Thanksgiving Edition Game Boy. Of course in real life (The Joe), Game Boyless, faded into homeless obscurity perhaps never to be heard from again.

"So kids what did you think about the chapter?" you asked.

"Umm it didn't all make sense but it made me laugh because I didn't know what else to do" frowned your daughter.

"What about you, generic male child? What did you think?" you asked your son.

"Daad I have a name you know" your son complained.

You mumbled, "Not according to your birth certificate.."

"Well I think that even though (The Joe) was a crazy guy, I'd still rather read my match book" your son eventually replied.

"Alright then kids, off you go to study" you brushed.

"Hooray!" your nerd kids said as they scampered off.

"What did you think dear?" you distracted your wife.

"Oh, well I think I need to study too because.. words can't explain what that was.." you wife said as she backed and then ran out of the room.

"And what do you think (The Joe)?" you asked me.

"I'm surprised I didn't drink any books in this chapter." I said.

"Yeah I'm glad they left that buzz word garbage out" you told me.

"Hmm.. well I guess I'll see you" I said while leaving.

"Probably not" you noted, "keep shining shoes, you'll get that table one day. Oh and if you know anyone with a house that needs a dining room table let me know I'm looking to get rid of the one I've got."

"Why not just give it to me?" I asked.

"Do you have a house? .. I didn't think so. Now get out!" you ended the chapter yelling.